The British newspaper The Guardian features a “personal
effects” page where readers can ask other readers for advice about how to deal
with a particular problem. Last Saturday (December 14th, 2013) the
problem discussed was this: “I’ve helped my four-year-old write his present
list for Santa but now I’m apoplectic – my husband has told him there’s no such
thing as Father Christmas. What can I do to restore the festive spirit? Is this
grounds for divorce!” I was struck first by the absurdity of this last bit. I
find it incredible that there might actually be a woman out there who is
seriously contemplating divorcing her
husband for the sole reason that he has told their son that Father Christmas
doesn’t exist. So what she is saying is basically that it would be better for
her child to grow up without a father than to grow up without Father Christmas.
What a strange idea!
Most readers, however,
seemed to share the mother’s outrage. Their advice was to send the man to the
North Pole to teach him a lesson, or get three ghosts to haunt him on Christmas
Eve, or visit Harrods and make him apologise to Santa in front of their son. And
yes, by all means, to divorce this monster of a man. Why? Because “there’s
little enough magic in a world full of cynical bastards”, and “there’s enough
time for kids to grow up and understand the reality of the world we live in”. So
let me get this straight. The consensus seems to be that a world without Santa
is (a lot) worse than a world in which Santa exists, and it is worse because “there
is no magic in it”. Worlds with magic in it are in some unspecified way better
than worlds governed by natural laws. (But are they really? In what way
exactly?) That is why we have to protect our little ones as long as possible from
the terrible truth that it is their families who buy them presents and not some
magical creature that knows everything about them, including if they’ve been
bad or good (which is actually a thought that used to terrify me when I was a
kid), for not doing everything in our power to conceal the truth from them
might actually scar them for life.
If this were true, then
we should probably instil as many magical beliefs in our children as possible,
and also make them as robust as possible. Make them believe not only in Santa
Claus, but also in the Easter Bunny, the Sandman, the Tooth Fairy, and all
sorts of other fairies and magical creatures. The more, the merrier. Why should
we be satisfied with a “little magic” if we could have lots of magic? It would
of course be so much easier to do that if we could find a way to make them
actually see those entities. So if we
had a pill that caused children to hallucinate them, they would no longer have
to rely on our word that Santa Claus et al. exist, but could let their own
senses confirm their existence. This would be so much better because it would
be more effective and long-lasting, wouldn’t it? Or perhaps we don’t even need
hallucinations. A simple belief-consolidating pill might be sufficient to
protect them from nasty truth-telling dads and other hostile forces. (How’s
that for human enhancement?) If there were such a pill, would we recommend its
use on children (and perhaps dads)? Or is that going a little too far? But how
far is too far? If belief in magic is good, then why not make sure that the
belief persists?
Just to be clear: I’m
not saying that we should all enlighten our children and make them “face the
truth” as early as possible. On the contrary, I think we should adopt a relaxed
attitude towards the whole business. Children enjoy stories, and more often
than not they know, on some level, that it is just a story, which doesn’t
prevent them at all from treating the story as real. These days Santa Claus is
just another superhero to them, and whether they are “real” or “not real” is
not a question that means much to them. In their imagination and in the many
ways they enact their imagination, those fantasy creatures are real enough. We
do not have to insist that they are not real. But neither do we have to insist
that they are. For children, they are both real and not real. Most of them are
savvy enough to know that it is their parents who buy them their presents. But
if you tell them about Santa Claus they will be only too happy to believe in that
too.
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ReplyDeleteWell, I am not sure whether children can easily practice the ambiguity of "just a story, a belief" and "it is real". They may enjoy the ubiquity of symbols etc. in the Christmas merchandising and they may like Christmas stories, but don't they typically either believe or disbelieve?
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, I wonder whether it could be a good thing that every child undergoes a passage "from myth to logos" (like western humanity did, as some scholars say), which necessitates a period of strong belief before an act of enlightenment. This "leaving behind" a myth could be an important experience. It could also make us more critical or sensitive for the hidden myths which widely exist and which dominate many of our perceptions.
I agree, Ralf, that logic seems to dictate that a child either believes Santa Claus is real or that he is made-up (just a character in a story). It seems impossible that someone should both believe and not believe that x. All I can say is that in my own (limited) experience this is not so. I don't know how they do it, but children seem to be able to pull it off. Do they really believe that there might be a monster hiding under the bed? Well, not really, but then again, you never know. The world is large, and they are little. The world is old, but for them everything is new. We are pretty sure what is possible and what is not. They have to learn it, and they do learn it, I think, gradually, not in one decisive step that takes them from mythos to logos.
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